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There has been much discussion raised about "Why are women leaving Architecture? and more broadly, Why is the profession losing key talent?"  Both women and men practitioners are disillusioned by the myth of work/life balance: Women are grappling with "have it all" expectations of juggling family time with the demands of full-time work.  Men are struggling to support their families solely on an architect's salary and fall back on asking spouses to maintain their jobs. The lack of affordable childcare and high cost of living only magnifies the challenges.  How did we end up in this modern family dilemma? What can we do to improve the situation?

An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Kathy Russell

Maybe it’s pure chance that I’m not in the missing 32%, because there have been times that I would have gladly walked away from architecture. I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with my field. The region I live in is still recovering from the recession, so the stress of the slow periods is still present. In 2011, after having returned the previous year from maternity leave with my second child, I was one of many to be laid off from a mid-size firm. The thought of being a stay-at-home mom was more than appealing, but my husband was starting a new career and we had two young children to support. I considered changing careers, but I’d been practicing architecture for 18 years and it is all I really knew how to do. It’s how I think. It’s how my brain is wired. Every time I go in a new building, I wonder what is in all the layers of materials, what do the people inside do, what was the history of the building and I think about other solutions. You can’t just turn off that portion of your brain, so I keep giving architecture a chance.

During my first 18 years, I’d been in firms that 45-50 hours a week was average.  40 hours was practically considered part-time. I’ve worked in firms that required a fair amount of overnight travel. My first night away from my 10-month old son was supposed to be one night while I was in Nashville meeting with a client, but ended up being two nights as we got stuck in Minneapolis in a snowstorm. I didn’t sleep a wink because I was sure he was traumatized, but of course it was the first night he slept entirely through the night. My first few years of being a mother and an architect were difficult to juggle and full of self-inflicted guilt.

Currently, I am very lucky to be in a firm that values their employee’s lives and families. Overtime is not encouraged except when absolutely unavoidable, which is so refreshing given that I pride myself in being efficient and accurate. It’s also refreshing to work with women and men that actually spend time with their families and kids. As our city is family-oriented, our firm knows the value of soccer-game-sidelines network marketing.

As far as the future, there is too much fluctuation happening in architecture to know if it will remain permanent in my life. However, nothing is permanent and you sometimes just have to wing it.

Secret sauce that I rely on to juggle all that I do every day:

  • Maintain my sense of humor. Humor keeps things in proportion and puts people at ease.
  • Keep breathing.  I use the old yoga technique to keep grounded.
  • Lists are my friend.  Post-it, yellow tablets, on my phone, written on my hand.
  • Ask for help. It takes a village…
  • Pace myself.  Work and raising kids is like a marathon. It takes time and planning.

My everyday moments of truths that I’ve discovered:

1.     Quality daycare has been good for my kids. You will hear a lot of people saying how bad it is to not spend every moment of your day with your kids. I am amazed how well my son has done in adjusting to elementary school having learned social skills and had an early education. The daycare teachers were much better teachers for his developing brain than I could’ve been. I’m not a professional teacher and I’m not afraid to admit it.

2.     Accepted saying No in my personal life. If you’re working outside the home, full-time, with younger kids, you probably won’t be able to do PTO, after-school activities, church, community groups or maybe even AIA. I love volunteering and being involved, but it can’t be at the expense of my family or work. I’ve worried my kids are missing out on the cool week day activities, but I know they are getting compensation from quality child care that has good programs and the evenings and weekends to spend with their parents.

3.     Finding a support network. As there have been so few other working mothers at the firms I’ve worked, I’ve found support in women’s business organizations outside of architecture. Currently, I attend monthly lunches and wine tastings with a loosely organized network of professional working moms consisting of attorneys, CPAs, bankers, architects and engineers. Sharing survival tips and their comradery has been invaluable.

4.     Learned to ask lots of questions. Architects manage the big picture, so we’re not supposed to know every miniscule detail. Our consultant’s jobs are to convey their expertise, so make them earn their fee and ask them lots of questions. Bosses can get busy and forget you don’t know everything you need to know – I make sure to keep asking questions until I have the information to complete the job. It helps to just talk it through with them.

5.     Most freak-outs are overreaction. This applies to the children and to the adults. Get to the truth of what is causing the freak-out before deciding if it is freak-out worthy.  This comes in especially handy during construction and at bedtime.

6.     There is always a solution. If a situation is freak-out worthy, I remind myself there is almost always a sensible solution.  As architects, we are problem-solvers and consulting other problem-solvers helps find a collaborative solution.

7.     Sit at the table. This is the best lesson from the Lean In by Sherry Sandberg. Own your authority, take advantage of opportunities as they arise, speak your mind, set aside unnecessary humility and accept credit for your work.  I believed it before reading it, was taught it by my own mom, but it was really nice to have it reinforced by Sandberg.

8.     Teach as I go along. As I’m working with interns or doing chores with my kids, I try to mentor and teach. The day is full of learning opportunities that I try not to miss.

9.     Embrace change. Architecture has changed so much during the recession. As baby boomers approaching retirement, we’re headed to more change. Then there is always the unpredictable change. Our families change and kids change daily. Adapting and flexibility is required.

10.  Embrace the moments. You may remember the roller coaster scene in the Mary Steenburgen and Steve Martin movie, Parenthood. Life gets crazy and stressful but the moments are fleeting. I look back at the photos from the summer I was laid off in 2011. My kids were so small and beautiful. Those moments were so stressful and unappreciated. And now they’re gone.  It doesn’t matter what is happening at a particular moment, good or bad, because each moment is a gift.

Kathy Russell     

Kathy’s a project architect at ALSC Architects in Spokane, WA 

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Kristen Padavic

My Archiparent Journey

The Archimom stories I have been reading on the Equity by Design site and other social media sites regarding women in architecture over the past few months have been inspiring and remind me of the trials and successes I have experienced on my journey. I don't know how I feel about being an #Archimom if my husband doesn't require the title #Archidad, so for now, I'll just call myself an #Archiparent or perhaps more fitting, general life ninja.

I am a 38-year-old mother of identical twin daughters and an architect. In the same year that the economy bottomed out in a city that had already over built the exact building type my husband and I  were designing, I was blessed with the surprise of twins who were born ten weeks premature. The first several years of juggling work and parenting were a nightmare.  The laundry list of things that had happened to us was long and daunting. Besides the pay-cuts and our tiny 800 square foot home losing half of its value, our children had multiple health issues requiring therapy and lots of hospital visits. I have vivid memories of trudging through the snow with soaked pant legs after walking a mile to my office in Chicago, starting another twelve-hour day away from my family only to get a call that my child was having an asthma attack and needed to get to the ER. And I won't even touch on how my employer felt about my "situation."

Simply put, our life was not sustainable or enjoyable.  I was a very angry and tired person who no longer wanted to be an architect. Having always been a vivacious, happy woman, very direct and called a "tough cookie" by many, the male dominated aspects of the profession had never bothered me. My first employer was a trusted mentor, advocate and friend, who showed me how compassionate and human a boss could be. He shared with me the entire world of architecture that is never taught at school and gave me opportunities most young architects never see. I had once adored my career. However, having children with health issues and finding little compassion in my new employer, my value system had been completely turned on its head. Without really understanding what I was doing, I quit my job and we decided that we were throwing all of our negative energy away. We deliberately reframed our lives and sent out that positive energy to the universe. No more blaming the world for making this all so hard, and we called ourselves to action. Let the mortgage and the hospital bills go, we pronounced! We had no plan but we had each other.

Some say it was divine intervention or just old-fashioned luck; my husband’s friend saw my "Screw the World!" post on Facebook and gave us a call. He explained that his little home building company down in Texas was looking to bring a design team in-house, and asked if we would be willing to visit Austin and take a look. We felt the universe radiating positive energy towards us, towards our decision to let it all go, and moved to Texas two months later, joining the PSW team as partners.  Our company has grown from just a handful of us in a little run down house to over fifty of us building well-designed, sustainable, urban infill homes all over Texas.  And most importantly for our family, my husband and I have been able to craft a very sustainable set of careers and family life. Our company philosophy is founded on this principle as well, so we are trying to help our employees do the same. We have hired six architects and designers, of which over half are women and several are parents. Our families always take priority and that is non-negotiable.

This journey has provided so many lessons, none the least has been gratitude. Gratitude is the gift that keeps me loving what I do, even when I put in late nights. We both work hard, but have a joint purpose and immense gratitude in this opportunity. The list I have going in my mind is no longer about what is happening TO ME but what I am making happen and what I am ok with letting go. If I were to catalogue the ways in which I am able to successfully work and parent, here's a stab at a top five:

1. Having a life partner who takes on exactly half of the load that life throws at you. My husband and I have different styles and preferences, but we both do laundry and pick-up the girls. We go to the girls' pulmonologist together and trade off gymnastics. We have a system of tasks and we over-communicate about it.

2. Pouting is not allowed. One of the most important lessons we learned from our parenting coach to help us with our very behaviorally intense kids is to accept a challenge, deal with it and move on. Life can be very hard at times, especially when balancing work and kids, but negative energy sucks the life out of you.

3. You can always change your situation. Reframe it, scramble it up, and move to Alaska if you want. You won't die if walk away from a house, even. Own your situation - you get one chance at this!

4. Exercise often and take stock in you. Date nights are mandatory.

5. If you are an employer, give your employees the ability to have the life you would want to have. Treat them like adults. Not everyone will get to be an employer someday, so it comes with an immense amount of responsibility to help them shape lives that are meaningful and manageable.


KRISTEN PADAVIC, AIA, LEED AP 
architect, lead project designer  

@kpadavic

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Meghana Joshi

A Fine Imbalance

From working in someone's home office to working at the top architecture firms of the country, I have done it all, while being an ArchiMom. Fourteen years ago, when I went back to work leaving my seven week old daughter under my mother's care, there were worries, there were doubts, and then there was a huge learning curve of adjusting to the work culture in a new country. With the help of flexible schedules, I started work early in the mornings, and my husband left home after taking care of our daughter's morning needs. At the stroke of four, the only thing on my mind was that beautiful smile that lit up my daughter's face when she spotted me.

Fast-forward fourteen years; the smile is still the same when she spots my car in the curbside pickup. I have two girls; eight and fourteen, and both go to different schools. One of them is in a public school close to home, but the other one goes to a STEM magnet school twenty miles away. Both of them have seen me go from working to an elite corporation to being temporarily unemployed to starting my own consulting firm. I lean in only because they, along with ArchiDad help me lean in. They know when to get into the car quietly while I finish my call, and they know when to borrow the Staedlers, the Sharpies and the Prismacolor and never bother about returning them.

My everyday moments of truth:

  • Since I am a consultant, I have the luxury of flexible hours. But since I am a consultant, I am also the solely responsible for the deadlines. Depending on the amount of work to be done, and the school/ extracurricular schedule, I start working early, or stay up late night. If I am working on a set of construction documents, I start early in the morning and continue throughout the day, but if it's design, I start in the evening and reliving the glory days of architecture school, staying up late at night. Some weekends end up being working weekends if the fine balance of the scheduled items is disturbed. But, before I burn out, I take a break.
  • My children have seen me paint a masonry block for a color board while I helped my husband get through the morning rush of making breakfast and lunch boxes. They tell me which gray goes better while buttering their toasts. The older daughter helps me type up responses to the RFIs, and sets up excel sheets for unit-mix calculations when I do storage projects. The younger one has spent time verifying the parking numbers from as-built drawings and double-checking my calculations. They are very involved in my life, not just limiting themselves to wearing my hard hat and pretending to be mommy.
  • Not every day will be a well-planned and well-executed success story. There are days when I come home stressed from work, after spending considerable amount of time in the traffic, and all that greets me is a sink full of dirty dishes. Some days, my children pick up their clothes directly from the dryer because not all weekends have enough time to get organized for the week ahead. I like to prepare double batches of meals and freeze them, and I use my slow cooker a lot, but still there are days when Chipotle seems to be the only quick and easy option. On days like those, I go with the flow. I take care of what's on top of the priority list, and what bothers me the most, and let the rest go.
  • Always keep some snacks and a hardhat, and construction boots in your car. I learned this valuable lesson the hard way. One day after working on a set of drawings overnight, I took them to office hoping to drop them off and come home for a quick nap before I picked up the children. But, one thing led to another, and I ended up driving straight to pickup. I realized that I didn't have my purse when I pulled over in the parking lot of a restaurant. Hungry, tired and frustrated, I learned a valuable lesson. I carry enough water and snacks to outlast a famine in my car.
  • I try to do a little something everyday that's not related to my projects, my business, my children, my marriage, or my IDP and ARE exams. I like to read, write, cook, sketch, workout, or just catch up with an episode of “How I met your mother” with a glass of wine. You need more "you time" than you imagine. Some time alone, everyday if possible, without multitasking. A stack of magazines and fifteen minutes in the bathroom were my sanity savers when the children were young, and I had to work from home during their vacation days. I blog also, documenting life as is, mostly my worries, and frustrations.  
  • One day I want to start attending AIA events, and network with other architects. But life where it is now rarely allows for any such commitment in the real world. I try to catch up with architecture related articles, and blogs, and read architecture magazines. I am using social media to connect to others in the industry. One day I want to be more involved with the causes I attach myself to, volunteer my time and efforts to.
  • ArchiDad, who is actually a TechiDad is my rock. When I moved to California to be his wife, I was on a Dependent Visa. During the "Y2K" days, it was easy for anyone with any educational background to take a quick course in coding and get employed in technology sector. I don't tell him this, but ArchiDad is the reason why I stayed ArchiMom. When he helps me with parenting responsibilities, it's mostly because they are our children, and this is our home and our household. But he is truly my rock when he encouraged me to volunteer and learn until I got my citizenship to get legal employment, or get a distance learning degree during my pregnancy, and promptly adds me to his health insurance plan when I am unemployed.

Meghana Joshi @meghanaira

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Yen Ha, RA

Having been a practicing architect and business owner since the late 90s and a mom to a two elementary school kids, I have been following with avid interest all the attention to what it means to be a woman in the workforce and particularly the #archimom conversations. Everyone has a different story though we share many of the same struggles, whether architect or CEO. No one is doing it all; that’s a myth perpetuated by images of stylish moms and their glamorous lifestyles on glossy websites. I promise that under every put-together photo, there is a mom wondering if she remembered to pack the kids’ lunch that day.

We know it’s a challenging life that wouldn’t be possible without a passion for our work and that supportive framework of partners and caregivers. For me, those are the essential ingredients in any secret sauce to this life of motherhood and work.

But the everyday truths are the ones that get us through everyday filled with design conversations, packing lunches for the kids, doctor’s appointments, site meetings and construction details.

These are mine:

1) Have a calm morning. Mornings set the tone for the rest of the day so I wake up in peace as much as I can. A couple times a week, I try to go for a run before everyone wakes up. Otherwise I have an easy breakfast with the kids and then walk (not rush) to school. I still check my emails (but in read only mode). I don’t respond to anything before I’ve had my coffee and some fresh air. Some mornings I might even take time to have a quick breakfast with a mom friend at school before heading up to work. It reinforces the morning as time I’m taking to approach the world on my terms.

2) Set weekly and daily goals. I am always making lists. It gives me a visual sense of how much I need to accomplish. Every morning, when I get to the office, I identify two to three things that I absolutely plan on finishing that day. The short term visualization of goals helps tremendously in prioritizing my daily workflow and at the end of the day, even if I have done nothing that feels productive, at least I have finished those one or two things.

3) Block time. Mornings are for answering emails, catching up with news, and any home chores that need to be completed. Right before lunch I start on a task. So when I get back from lunch, I can dive right back into it. In the late afternoon I usually start on the second or third task to give me enough time to finish it that day. When I’m working on a specific thing, I try to ignore the emails and save responding for later. Designing doesn’t always work that way, nor does architecture, but I find that trying to tackle things in “blocks” helps with the efficiency of the day and of my mind.

4) Don’t waste time, yours or anyone else’s. When you say you will do it, do it. When you say you will be there, be there. Don’t spend your time on tasks that someone else can handle. Relatedly don’t waste your time on work that you don’t find fulfilling. It’s all about prioritizing your time and finding, for yourself, the most efficient way of using time.

5) Do it right away. If you can, reply immediately. That makes it one less thing you have to do because it never goes on your to-do list, it’s already done. I don’t care how uncool it makes you to be the first to respond to a proposal, this frees up your brain space because it doesn’t even exist in your brain space, you’ve already taken care of it. On a job site don’t wait to get back to your desk to figure out the detail, pick up a pencil and work it out right there. Consider this, one less thing to have on your to-do list.

6) Eat lunch away from your desk. This is so important that my work partner, Michi and I, have a lunch blog and manifesto about having lunch out. It’s critical to have recharge time; those pauses of what I like to think of as, moments of calm. Lunch away from our desks allows us both to breathe and free up some of the mind space caught up in the list making and email replying. Some of our most creative moments are over a good lunch. And if you can’t have lunch out, try and take a walk for a small moment of calm. Walk slowly, breathe deeply, and enjoy those couple of blocks before you have to go back to the office.

7) Invest in post-it notes. Don’t try and remember everything, that’s what post-its are for. My mind would probably explode if I didn’t have post-it notes. I use them for immediate tasks that need to be accomplished that day. Those I stick on my phone so every time I go to look at my phone, I am reminded. At home I use a journal for longer term planning and a whiteboard for our weekly menus and schedules. At work I keep a journal right in front of my keyboard so I constantly check and update my lists. Writing everything down frees my brain up from trying to remember what I need to do and instead lets me focus on what needs to be done.

8) Find your mentors and role models. I sit on the Board of Directors of the NewSchool for Architecture and Design where I have the incredible fortune to be surrounded by accomplished and amazing women. They have no problems navigating the lines between being complimented on a pair of shoes and addressing hard questions about budgets and academic excellence. I have worked for and with women throughout my career. I find that having someone to observe whom I respect and has some understanding of what it means to be a woman in architecture is incredibly empowering. It doesn’t have to be a formal relationship, but if there is a woman you admire, call her up and invite her to lunch or buy her a coffee one afternoon. Michi and I do this whenever we meet women we find amazing and that we want to learn from.

9) Make time for creativity. For Michi and I, that time is lunch. We leave our phones off the table and instead talk about our weekends, all upcoming business and any design challenge that aren’t jelling. Now that my kids are older, I’ve started finding free bits of time and in those 5 or 10 minutes here and there I’ve started a series of daily drawings that I can pick up, draw, and put down again when the water is boiling for dinner. They are making up a collection that we’ve put on Front Studio’s Instagram. Michi likes to call them my mom art because they require very little set up and the time to make them can be taken in very small increments.

10) Keep your eye on the prize. As Emily Balcetis said in her recent TEDx talk, it is does make a difference if you focus on the finish line. It changes the nature of the exercise itself as well as making that finish line appear closer. Define what your goals are, and define them with your life partner and your work partner. I’ve always believed that if you have an idea of where you want to be in a month or 10 years then that idea will nestle in your brain and as you make your way through everyday life, it will influence where you are going.

Yen Ha is an architect, reader, mother and eater. She founded Front Studio Architects in 2001, where she is a principal, and blogs at Lunch Studio where she writes about the happiness of a good lunch. Her personal writings, drawings and makings are collected at hh1f.

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Cherise Schacter, CSI

I was invited, along with others, by Rosa Sheng, Equity by Design (the missing32percent.com) to contribute a blog about a day in the life of #Archimoms (http://bit.ly/1G44hon) –Stories and advice from women in architecture who are managing career and family.

In total, I have raised or partially raised 6 children over the last 30 years. A chunk of that time was spent as a single parent. All of that time was spent working full time in AEC and trying to find balance between work and family.

While I am not an architect, I started working at my first architecture firm when I was 20 years old. During the course of my 23 years with that firm, I went from receptionist to managing the firm at all levels. The only thing I did not do was actually draw. I now work for an MEP Engineering firm and just sent my youngest off to college in September.

I think it is fair to say that women have a unique set of circumstances when it comes to managing career and family. While this is changing with each passing year, traditionally women have been the primary caregivers of their children. If you are a single parent, you are the only caregiver for your child. For me, having done both, this has presented its challenges over the years.

During the course of my career, I have worked with some incredible, empowering mentors – almost all men – who have taught, inspired and guided me. I have also encountered discrimination and being treated like I was “less” because I was a woman or with the attitude that I was not fully invested in my career because I was a mom. I feel very fortunate that the latter was the exception and not the rule.

Now having an empty nest (which will someday be a blog of its own), I can’t really contribute what a day in the life of #Archimoms looks like anymore. What I can offer, after 30 years of navigating family and a career in AEC is some perspective and lessons learned. Mind you, I learned some of these lessons early and some of them the hard way but all have been valuable.

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Lesson #1: Find a company that believes work/life balance is a priority and offers some flexibility.

This is crucial and they are out there. If you are not working for one now, leave. You really can’t give your job 100% if you have an issue at home that needs your attention and you have a less than understanding employer.

My former architecture firm was amazing. I am not sure I could have navigated the early years, the years as a single parent and then the years with four busy kids without their support. My current firm is the same way and for that I will be forever grateful.

Lesson #2: Work very, very hard.

The three Partners in my first firm were much older than me and pretty traditional in what was then an environment of “get me a coffee” if you were the only woman in the office, which I was for a majority of the 23 years with that firm.

I did not change those perceptions, rise in my firm or gain their respect by accident. I worked my tail off. When I was at work I was engaged, focused and giving it 150%. When I needed flexibility due to family, which was often over the years, they knew they could count on me to make sure the bases were covered. As a result, they stood behind me through those difficult times.

Lesson #3: Make time for yourself.

Honestly, this is a lesson that I have been learning only over the last couple of years and that has been a huge mistake. I have spent my entire adult life focused on my career and family, sometimes putting in 20 hour days to make sure everything got done and my kids had an active involved mom in their myriad of activities.

I have sometimes neglected my own heart, soul and well-being in the process. You do not have to volunteer for everything and it is OK to say no. I don’t care how you fit it in or what it is you need to keep your center but find it and make time for it. Everyone around you, work and family alike, will benefit and you will be recharged to take on the next day.

Lesson #4: Never stop learning.

It is easy to get into a rut at work when you are trying to juggle so many things. Sometimes, going to work can feel like a vacation when home life gets crazy. That can be a dangerous rut that results in slow forward movement in your career.

There are always ways to keep learning and growing as a professional as part of your regular day. You have to be proactive, ask for new opportunities and most importantly, look for the mentors. With my busy life, I didn’t have time to take classes or join industry organizations until just recently. My best and most valuable resource for learning and moving ahead were the mentors I found in my place of work. It is incredible the knowledge people will share if you just ask. I was never afraid to ask.

Lesson #5: Find good childcare.

This is a big one. You absolutely cannot be invested and focused in your work unless your children are in a consistent childcare environment in which you have complete confidence.

This can be difficult but well worth the time and effort to find just the right fit. I found all kinds of creative ways to get quality childcare that I could afford for four children which made it much easier to do the work I needed to do.

Final Lesson: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

This is another one that took me years to learn. I am just a tad bit Type A. This is not always a good thing. I spent incredible amounts of wasted time trying to be the perfect employee, the perfect wife and the perfect mother. The house had to be spotless, I thought I needed to run every activity my kids ever signed up for, throw the best parties and be the highest performing employee. This attitude took its toll in more ways than one.

In the end, it does not matter if those dirty dishes wait until tomorrow, whether or not you are team mom instead of just being a spectator or whether you volunteer to take on one extra project at work that you really don’t have to take on. Nobody really remembers that stuff.

What matters is that you have some sanity, focus and balance in your life so you can be the best that you are to your family, your employer and yourself.

While I could probably write a book on my experiences and lessons learned, these few are some of the more important ones for me. Every family is unique and has different needs. If this blog eases the path of even one #Archimom, then I have accomplished my goal for today.

Cherise Schacter, #CSIKraken

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A (future) Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Alicia Liebel Berg

In the months, weeks and days leading up to my first born I have found myself in a confusing course in my career. I am about to become a mother and I lack any perception of how that will alter the day-to-day schedule that I call habitual. What has my pregnancy taught me? The prospect of becoming a mother has given the notion of 'change' an entirely new definition to ponder.

Before I became pregnant I had a conversation with my boss about the company's policy on maternity leave. I was surprised to learn that since I work in a firm with less than 50 employees, the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) policies enjoyed by others in the architectural profession were neither applicable nor enforceable in my current work setting. I was told that I was to have six weeks and that all of my vacation time would have to be expunged in the process. I suddenly found myself with a minimal amount of leave and absolutely no time remaining for the obvious sick days that would occur since my new little bundle of joy would be in a germ-infested day care center, a necessary evil. My boss simply explained that he had too many former female employees who went out on maternity leave only to return on their first day back and immediately resign. He had been burned one too many times and I was left to fend for myself in the rubble.

I first attempted to lament to my mother about my scenario and shockingly found out that she was a human phenomenon. Over the course of 9 years she had six children; all by cesarean, fed by breast milk and wrapped in cloth diapers. The duration of her maternity leave? One week of time off before returning to her typical working routine. Unable to unhinge my jaw off of the floor, she simply explained that it had to be done and so she did it. Some of my siblings were even born at a time when she would have a 90 mile round trip commute and work as an ER Nurse or in the Kidney Dialysis unit. Needless to say I received no sympathy, but instead gained an extreme amount of empathy and awe as to how she ever made it work.

One afternoon my project manager made note that the firm principal was expressing concern about my ambiguous return after giving birth. I took that cue as a sign to be more proactive. I was at my seven month mark and figured that it was time to start talking about transition planning. A new employee was about to be brought on to assume my work load and I was starting to find myself fearful of being phased out of my current responsibilities. Almost ten months had passed since my first conversation with my boss and my firm now had a director of business operations, a woman who had 1 year old twins. I went in and had my conversation about how much time I would be taking, expressed my concerns about transition and asked what their plans were for reacclimatizing me to my daily routine. After this conversation, the business director called me back into her office and said that she had re-negotiated my leave to be eight weeks, with all of my vacation days intact. I never knew I needed such an advocate.  And there is not enough gratitude can be expressed for her knowing that more needed to be done. Having a new mother in this kind of leadership role is a rare gift I am sure.

Throughout the last eight months I have encountered resistance from other female architects who have labeled the attempt of work-life-baby balance as 'career suicide'. In their view, if you are unable to put in the necessary hours of intense work as the colleagues around you then you are, in extension relinquishing your consideration for career advancement. Sadly this view stems from the fact that they are from a large firm in the metropolitan area who are known for putting in extra hours over the standard full-time of forty. Fortunately my current firm does not have this type of culture, but I am still trepidatious of maintaining the dependability that my project manager and co-workers have come to observe as status quo. How will I manage having to be in and out of the office for doctor visits, illness and all of my current advocacy work while maintaining fast-paced deadlines? 

Conversely I also heard the best advice that I have received as a female architect, to date. This no nonsense attitude came out of the AIA Minnesota Gold Medal Winner, a woman architect, who boldly announced that women have already figured out how to have babies. In her mind, far too many women in the architecture profession use their children as an excuse or a crutch instead of taking ownership of the successful career that they are fully capable of having. She, like my mother, did what needed to be done and spent no time complaining about it. They charged forward with necessity and attitude as their motivation. 

As my due date approaches I mentally struggle with my reservations and fears. I find myself knowing yet doubting that I have the ambition to excel in the architecture profession. I have to remind myself that I will propel myself through any adaptation that will occur with the life changing moment of having my first child. Despite everything I know that deep down I will find a way to finish my path to licensure and in extension continue to demonstrate my abilities as a valuable asset to my firm.

Change is about to come and what a ride it will be.

Alicia Liebel Berg, Wilkus Architects @AliciaLiebel

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Nina Briggs

As one of the 18% of the missing 32%, and short on time, I'm honored to imperfectly navigate my #Archimom life. I'm a sole practitioner of 25 years, and an adjunct professor of 16 years. I designed this life to embody my personal definition of mother; to be conscious, available and engaged in my daughter's evolving childhood. She's 16 now, and despite her lack of interest in anything architectural (despite, or thanks to both her architect parents) she's knows how to navigate a construction site, is intimately familiar with every building department in our county, is a museum know-it-all, and has been an honorary student on every college campus I've taught. What pleases me the most about her, is her independent and creative ability to solve her own problems, and her patient tolerance of our crazy life. If not for the privilege of raising her while trying to contribute to the built environment, who knows how one-dimensional we'd be. 

There is no 'typical' day, there are no secrets, and there's no judgment about how individual families navigate their live/work lives. My Secret Sauce Ingredients and Everyday Moments of Truth have less to do with architecture, and more to do with what works (sometimes) for us, and what we are constantly learning as we bumble through.

My Secret Sauce Ingredients:
1. Accept that you cannot do everything all at once, and build a village of like-minded peers, mentors, and friends. Ask for help.
2. Don’t hesitate to pay other professionals their worth to help you be the professional you need to be.
3. Accept that everything changes, nothing stays the same. Be adaptable.
4. Give up perfectionism and have a sense of humor about your own imperfections.
5. Cultivate the art of saying no to what you cannot or don’t want to do.
6. Eliminate feelings of guilt; they’re a waste of your precious energy.
7. Give yourself quiet time and space (even if in small intervals) to recharge, replenish, day dream , rest, or meditate.
8. #Archimoms wear many hats, and change those hats many times throughout each day. Build into your daily routine ‘transitions’, vestibules of pause when transitioning from one role to another. 
9. Delegate: Practice trust by sharing decision making, execution, authority and responsibility.
10. Express gratitude. Thank everyone, all the time.

My Everyday moments of Truth:
1. Designing takes time. Since becoming a parent, those long stretches of hours when I could work are no longer there. My days seem to be a collection of 2.5 hour intervals (including travel time). If I can’t get the task done in that interval, it doesn’t get done that day. Whether it’s attending/conducting a meeting, creating a design solution, procuring a permit, composing emails/contracts/proposals/syllabi/invoices/reports, etc., taxi-ing my daughter, hunting & gathering (domestic & professional), teaching a class, cooking/cleaning, being volleyball/basketball team-mom, or reading/research, I don’t have the luxury of a lot of time. So FOCUS is my priority; being in the moment, whatever that moment is.
2. I’m a morning person, who discovered that if I don’t get the bulk of my work done beforenoon, the day is lost. So, I begin my day before sunrise, working on the tasks that require the most concentration first. 
3. I love to cook, and try to prepare great meals for dinner, but Fridays and Saturdays, it’s eat out or take in, mom cooks nothing. Then Sundays, we cook a lot, building in leftovers for the week.
4. I’m in the ‘sandwich generation’, which is difficult, yet rewarding. So, involving my teenage daughter in some of the care for my octogenarian mother helps me, her, and bonds the three of us.
5. I’m a maker. My daily practice and teaching doesn’t give me that outlet. “Making” roots me in creativity and soothes me. So when I feel stressed, my evenings turn to craft: sewing, map-making, crocheting, sketching, all of which come in handy for #Archimoms who like to make costumes, gifts, and help with school projects.
6. I remain in the mentor/mentee sandwich. The women who encouraged me early in my career (1980’s) were the pioneers of architecture (Kate, Margot, Virginia, Norma, Wena, Lisa, Joanne, Ena). They amazingly and graciously maintained their femininity and sensitivity, while paving the way for us, fighting gender discrimination, and significantly contributing to the built environment. I still go to them for help, advice, and just to listen to what they have to say and pay it forward to my students.
7. My schedule and responsibilities don't allow for the time to attend all the conferences, lectures, exhibits, and parties I'd like, but nothing is as important as what I'm doing right now.

Nina Briggs, designer and educator @aninsggirb

An interview with designer Nina Briggs: The authentic home.

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Deepika Padam, AIA

 

 

 

 

I can comfortably say that I have seen all sides of the profession. I had worked with firms large and small before I started my sole-practice, while teaching design studio at an architecture school. Now I am in the Public sector working for a client group. Throughout my career, I have volunteered for groups I strongly believe in, AIA is one of them. I am an #archimom of only 8 months. I may not have many pointers from a mom’s perspective, but definitely a few from a female architect’s perspective.

Something I’m pretty sure I share with the other #Archimoms out there: Lack of time. So I’ll get right to it! My typical day right now starts with feeding, changing, and handing over my baby to the nanny before I rush to catch the train for my hour and a half commute. I like to read or catch up on social media before I get to work. Psst… Occasionally I knit on the train! I never take private calls during work hours unless it is an urgent matter. At the end of the day I rush home to feed, change, and get my baby to bed. I think the schedule will remain this way until my son is a few years old. After taxes and nanny income, I barely see much money from my salary. But I must work because the longer I don’t work, the harder it will be to get back to work. That’s the catch 22 of this profession.

My moments of truth:

  • Don’t doubt yourself. You can handle more than you imagine. The torturous years of architecture school followed by long hours at work are a great preparation for anything you might want to do in the future. If I hadn’t got licensed early in my career, I wouldn’t have had the freedom, ability, and confidence to open my business when I needed to. So get that license quickly and believe in yourself.
  • Volunteer. If I hadn’t been engaged in AIA as deeply as I have been, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities I’ve had over the years. I have got jobs through AIA connections, but more importantly, being a volunteer has built me into a confident speaker and presenter. It’s a great way of honing in on those soft skills that are essential for success in architecture. Volunteering in local communities takes you a step further into serving. It’s not all about what you can get out of something; it’s also about what you can give to others. Being President of a local AIA and USGBC chapters hasn’t proven to be as fulfilling to me as mentoring young professionals.
  • Celebrate your successes. But then aim higher. You always need to look forward to something. Don’t forget your dreams and keep working on them. Nobody is going to bring the fruits to you in a silver platter; you need to work hard for them. And when you do achieve your dreams, thank the people who helped you and help others in return.
  • If you are a woman, of color, and of a foreign nationality with an accent, you are not alone. When you fail at something, it’s probably not because of those reasons. So stop feeling like you are being discriminated against. Discrimination happens to people for a variety of reasons, with no exceptions. Better to have a positive outlook and move on. You deserve better.
  • If you decide to quit architecture, all the power to you. If you can handle this profession, you can handle anything. Life is unpredictable, and plans are just plans.
  • Working in an architecture firm is not the only way to practice. There are other avenues. Open your eyes to all possibilities. Negotiate your terms; never agree to the first offer. I’ve never accepted a job at the initially offered salary, negotiation is not difficult. But remember, it’s not all about salary. What are your priorities? Speak up.
  • Before you start your business, do your research. A lot goes into it. The first step is talk to someone who has succeeded or failed at it.
  • You can have a life outside of architecture. You just need to prioritize it. I refuse to work more than 40 hours a week. The entire profession needs to. The day will come when you will burn out. So take that lunch break, and go home at 5. Because work never ends, but your life will end someday. That’s guaranteed.
  • A woman can be an architect, and still manage to be a mother. Or whatever your other desires for a fulfilled life are. You CAN have it all. Make sure to have time for yourself. If you are serene inside, those who matter the most will cherish you more.
  • If you are not happy at work, don’t feel obligated to stay. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. Fight your own battles and build a support network. Start looking and find another opportunity.
  • It is impossible for me to do it all by myself. I wouldn’t be able to be an #archimom without my husband being an #archidad! We take turns all the time in taking care of our infant baby. And we are both sleep deprived! Still trying to figure out the parenting secrets.

Deepika Padam, AIA, LEED AP BD+C, GGP

@deepikapadam

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Rosa Sheng, AIA

While I wanted to join the #Architalks fun earlier last week with a blog contribution representing a typical day in the life from my own #Archimom perspective, I was stretched thin with multiple project meetings, afterwork care and quality time with my 2 girls, TM32PP outreach and "other" projects. Regardless of the "full" days, I was most paralyzed with the thought of choosing which "day" to highlight that would provide an authentic snapshot of who I am.

So after a week of careful thinking, I am sharing my authentic self here. While I am still a relative rookie/newbie to social media, I started my official open Twitter presence earlier this year. I fumbled with the "tagline" that would briefly sum-up who I am. It took me awhile and it took a few iterations to come up with the following: Architect, Innovator, Maker, TigerMama, AIASF Board of Director, Chair of @Miss32Percent. Each has a place in defining me.

I am 9+ years in as an #Archimom. It's never an identity that I had envisioned for myself when I decided at age 11 to become an Architect. And yet, I have come to embrace the chameleon-like quality of Archimom-ness as second nature. But let's be frank and candid here, it's not easy, it takes hard work, passion and perseverance. While a career in Architecture is difficult enough to maintain, adding marriage and motherhood into the mix has its own unique challenges. There have been more sleepless nights than the deteriorating memory can catalogue. Resolve not to break down in despair, even though you sometimes wonder if you are insane for making these choices. Looking back, I have never regretted my decision to become an architect, spouse or mother. But it is a precarious puzzle to navigate on a daily basis as far as owning your #Archimom identity, choosing your priorities, and how to divide your time.

I have been fortunate. I had a great role model in my Thesis advisor/professor Marleen Kay Davis at Syracuse University School of Architecture. She balanced teaching Architecture while raising 2 young children with calm, confidence and grace. I graduated during a recession in 1994 and changed jobs quite a bit trying to find my passion and the right fit. I was hired by Bohlin Cywinski Jackson in 1997, moved to Pittsburgh, Pa and started working on the Pixar Animation Studios in Emeryville, CA. When asked by our client of what we could do to speed up the development of the project, I half-jokingly suggested that they should move our entire team out to California. Well, 3 months later, we moved out west to finish the project and ended up establishing roots for the San Francisco office. At the tale end of the Pixar project, I met my partner in "crimes of passion". Since then, my personal and professional lives have been deeply interwoven. 

I have had the rare opportunity to work on some of the most prolific projects of our time; including the Apple High-Profile Retail Stores, Lorry I. Lokey Graduate School of Business at Mills College, Square Headquarters. But more importantly, I have worked with some of the most amazing clients, consultants and project teams; relationships that have valued my contributions, respected my time and supported my journey as an Architect with a family.

An Archimom's Secret Sauce Ingredients :

  • Be authentic, be hopeful, be resilient, be proud. 
  • Get Licensed as soon as you possibly can. Life happens and there will always be another project deadline. Yes it's expensive, but think of all the money you invested in going to Architecture School. Think of it like gaining citizenship. You have more rights (and responsibilities).
  • Taking a leave of absence: for off-ramping and on-ramping between your leave, come up with a plan/flexible schedule that works for you. Negotiate. It's okay if things may change, but maintain clear communication. Stay connected while you are on leave. 
  • My spouse is my co-parent and equal life partner in all things. He makes leaning out possible. 
  • Invest in childcare, Invest in your future; find the right fit of values, hours and flexibility. It may be difficult to resolve the cost of care being close a part-time salary returning from leave. The longer you stay away from practice, the more difficult the journey will be getting back in.   
  • Face the Confidence Conundrum. Speak up. Know your worth and value. Bias is out there, especially for lack of understanding of the #Archimom's dilemma. Don't forgo asking for a raise, even if you think that you are fortunate to have a flexible schedule coming back from leave.
  • Expect the unexpected. While you try to establish some resemblance of order, structure and peace in your life, be prepared for things to go south. Don't beat yourself up for coming up short, tomorrow is another day.
  • Set aside time for you and your spouse to do special things once a month or more often if you can. It is these times of doing somethings out of the ordinary that you will feel most inspired and rejuvenated. ( aka. "Treat Yourself" or "The Finer Things Club). 
  • Build a support network. They can be clients, consultants, project team members and other Archimoms. Have them be your mentors and champions. Share your challenges and your triumphs.

Everyday Moments of Truth: 

  • We have a morning and evening routine that changes everyday. Having a working family Google calendar is essential for remembering all the appointments, bill payments, child care and life's important events. 
  • I try to read with my kids every night since a very early age. It is quality bonding time and you are also saving on future SAT Prep courses.
  • I love to cook. So much so that I spend a lot of time making food for my family. I cook a lot on the weekends and then fridge or freeze for the coming week. Friday nights are my night off, so we splurge and dine out. We eat breakfast and dinner together as much as possible. Family conversation is what I look forward to during our meals.
  • It is difficult, but work and life flexibility brings the challenge of setting boundaries. Work while at work and focus on family while at home. You will feel less guilty. 
  • I really try to leave the office when I have committed to leave. I try to check in with my project team members at least an 1 hour before departing so I don't get caught talking and leaving abruptly or worse, getting home late to relieve the nanny. I ask for special meetings to be scheduled with 3 days notice prior so that I can make alternate caregiving arrangements.
  • Prioritize face time that you spend at work to have collaborative meetings and interaction. Solitary/quiet work usually takes place at home, if need be, after the kids go to bed. I leverage email on my iphone so that I can be responsive when necessary during the week.
  • With The Missing 32% Project, life has become really full. Some have asked, "How do you do it all?" My secret? I don't do it all at the same time. It's like the story about the jar with rocks, pebbles and sand. Figure out what your rocks are and put them in the jar first. I have learned more recently from reading Leading the Life You Want, by Stew Friedman. What gives you energy? Focus on those things and try to tie them together. It has been life changing and worth your time to read.

Rosa T. Sheng, AIA, LEED AP BD+C, @rosasheng

Senior Associate at Bohlin Cywinski Jackson

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An Archimom's Everyday Moments of Truth: Laura Melville Thomas, AIA

I am a newbie to social media. I was born in the Baby Boomer years, and learned to draft and letter and do construction documents by hand.  Here’s the catch, the only reason that I am involved in any way with “social media” is my eldest son---an advertising, communication digital media guru.  So, yes, I am an #ArchiMom and proud of it.

I have been following the discussions about the missing 32% of women working in the architectural profession on social media, and saddened because in the –gulp--almost 35 years since I graduated with my professional degree it has not improved much, if at all. Following my sons’ instructions about keeping up with social media (interesting how things flip) I have been following the “Day in the life of an Architect Series” on Twitter.  It was great, but wait ---hold on, what? Where are the REST OF THE WOMEN?  Twelve posts, and only two from women architects. How can that be?

I look at this a bit differently, a bit in the rear view mirror, as I am somewhat more “seasoned” (read older) than many who posted.  Perhaps this is a good thing, I am looking at motherhood and the working architectural professional with many years experience.

I became an Architect because I loved to draw and make things. I didn’t yet understand what design was. I still draw and paint and design. My mother was a working professional, and a British Navy veteran of WWII. She set my compass.  It never entered my mind that I would not continue to work professionally with a family. 

I was blessed to have a woman professor as part of my thesis committee, to move to Boston after graduation and get the job that I really wanted, during (OK, yet another) recession, and to be hired by and work with a woman partner in a great firm. Thank you Donna and Dell. I had mentors. They taught me to be tough enough, yet genuinely human in my thinking and in the workplace. We are still friends.

I have been married to another Architect for 32 years now. He is my biggest supporter and will not let me quit---no matter how tired I am or frustrated or disappointed I might be.  He helped me with our children daily, making their lives part of his.  Except laundry. He hates laundry, but that’s OK, I am a terrible cook.  We have raised our young children together into our grown sons.  I relate to every comment about juggling client needs and family needs,  personal time, and even baby spit on black clothes.

Now I am “the Boss”.  I have grown from just me as a sole proprietor to owning a multidisciplinary firm of 11.  We have 4 men and 7 women.  Go figure!?  I appreciate all of them.  I am now the mentor and the boss and it is my turn to not only set standards and expectations, but to pay it forward.

My ‘Secret Sauce’ Recipe Ingredients:

  • A strong woman architect mentor.  (Thanks Dell)
  • A supportive family and/or spouse.
  • Great child care (Thanks Dee)
  • A flexible schedule and attitude.
  • Passion for what you do.
  • And the last, my super secret, all-powerful ingredient: Living, working and having my kids go to school in one zip code.

My everyday moments of truth:

  • My professional life is rewarding.  The rewards come from the design work, the finished projects, the sketching, the watercolors, the interactions with my clients and colleagues.
  • It is also challenging and frustrating and exhausting and sometimes NO FUN. Especially when I find myself spending as much time-or more running the business end. Proposals, financials, insurance, hiring, firing (ugh!) and MBE/WBE certifications.
  • I find time to do something for myself every day.  Swim, run, paint, play music. There IS time. For me it is an early swim or run, before work.  Luckily my husband and I switched off early/late schedules when the boys were young.  I think that we only forgot to pick up our sons at swim practice once…
  • Understand how to “Declare it done”---not finished, just done. It will save your sanity.
  • Always “Follow Up Beyond Belief.”  It will save your reputation.
  • Do not work a lot of overtime. Ever. Get your work done and go home.
  • It is not going to be perfect.  In either the child raising or working categories.  Give yourself a break.  And this coming from a type A++person is really hard to do. I still sometimes beat myself up. Just throw in a child’s major illness or special needs into the mix and then you will truly find out what you are made of.
  • Don’t throw anyone under the bus. If you accidentally do, apologize.
  • Thank, thank, and thank again those that help you. It does take a village.
  • My two grown sons have become wonderful men in their own right with their own careers. They have seen their mom’s work and they have always been proud of me, even when I think I have let them down with unnecessary impatience or expectations.  I, of course, see thousands of things that I could have done better.  But that’s OK, my family and my firm are still here and getting stronger.
  • Show young professional women that they can do it.  Don’t give up.  #ArchiMom

Laura Melville Thomas, AIA, LEED AP @LauraMTARX 

President, Melville Thomas Architects, Inc., Baltimore, MD

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